One of the things I never want to have to deal with is a man who is not sure he wants me. A man unsure of how he wants to stand with you will never give you want you need.

I remember when one of my best friends met his fiancée. He told me, “Chan, I met a girl and though we were on opposing teams, I just had to talk to her.” In my head, I was like, “Lord God, he is done for.” And so said, so done. They have been together since high school and are on their way to getting married despite their many ups and downs.

In many ways, sometimes I find myself jealous of their relationship. If he is sick, she worries and focus on him getting better and if she is sick, he is beside himself and gets fussy. If my friend and I meet up for dinner, I can be sure that he will order something to-go for his girlfriend. He is constantly thinking about the best for her and she constantly thinks about the best for him.

This reminds me of something another friend said to me a few years ago. She said, “You should take care of your partner’s needs while he takes care of yours.” At the time, I didn’t appreciate the lesson but the older I become, the more insight I recognize from that comment.

It is not okay to be in a relationship where your partner only thinks about him/herself. It is not okay if only one person is doing all the giving and other all the taking. When I say giving, I don’t only refer to material possessions. The emotional and mental well-being of your partner is very important. A listening ear and counseling tongue are vitals. Providing laughter after sadness or hurt or even a hug (or a foot rub) after a stressful day is a necessity. Being there says something!

If you are an individual who recognizes this and knows it’s something you offer, don’t give it to someone who is “kinda” anything about you! Trust me dear, you are worth more than someone who will “kinda” do anything with regards to you. Find yourself someone who is all in. All or nothing!

XOXO,
Chañel.

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