When I was in my first year at university, I had a math lecturer who had the tendency to say “This one will separate the men from the boys.” when he gave us a particular complex math question to solve. I took that statement to heart when I realized how appropriate it is for life. Life and its ins and outs is truly the most complex problem that separates the men from the boys.

Generally, as a rule, whenever I learn something new, I try to see how it can apply to my life. Sad to say, I did not take stock and just continued on my merry way.

About a year later, I read Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man and my past lecturer’s words came back to me “This one will separate the men from the boys.” Steve forced me to take stock. Much to my chagrin, I realized that the males I tended to date displayed all the habits and behaviours of my teenaged brother. They were irresponsible, hyped on being “men” yet totally rudderless – had no idea where they wanted to be. It wouldn’t have been so bad except more than half the time, they were older than I was.

I also recognized that my predicaments were partly my fault. I had never placed any value on myself, therefore, no matter how good a person I was, no matter how much I pushed and supported, I was not valued. Casey Brown from TED Talk had been right, “If you don’t define you worth, persons will never pay it to you.” With this, I slowly found myself taking an hiatus from dating.

As time went by, I found myself breaking the self-imposed hiatus to yield to my friends who claimed my standards had risen too high. Horror experiences like (Weird First Dates: Mr. Inappropriate) quickly sent me back into cold turkey mode. Persons said that at 23 going on 24, I should be settling. My response, “Settling for what?” Males who viewed me as a piece of meat? Males who thought me a pretty play thing to be won then picked up and tossed aside on a whim? Males who thought that approaching a woman meant throwing out a sexual innuendo or a line and she would swoon? Males who were comfortable living without dreams or vision? Males who had all the right words but never the right actions? Males whose masculinity felt threatened when I dared to dream and be who I was meant to be? I had been there and done that. If that was what settling meant, my eggs and I have no problem declining the bid. Dating hiatus was the best option! I wanted to be the complex problem that separated the men from the boys!

I used the line “Two ships passing along side each other during the day.” to describe my encounter with that YOUNG man. We are two different vessels who just happened to share the same waters for a moment. His vessel made an impression to the folks on mine. It was an experience worth recording. On that encounter, he demonstrated some of the qualities that I have said for years that any YOUNG man with his head on his body, should. He was different and to my inner goddess, that difference made him beautiful. The difference made the difference!

Whether he is, or he isn’t has never been the point. It is simple! I Met A Man…and he represents HOPE!

XOXO,
Chañel

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