As I knelt praying a few moments ago, I found myself reflecting on how I was almost four years ago and immediately I felt thankful. Sometimes we take the simple things for granted but if we just take a moment to look back… If you would just take a moment to remember where He brought you from and what he has brought you through, you would realize just how much you have to be thankful for.

Almost four years ago, I had just had my first true taste of what it felt to have my heart shattered into a million pieces. I had bet it all one person and my friends and they had failed me terribly. I spent many late nights crying my eyes out and then trudging to work in the morning and then school in the afternoon. The nights I cried, I would curl in a ball and hold my chest because frankly my heart hurt like hell and I didn’t understand why. That was my cycle! I had lost my smile, my laugh, my heart and soul felt extinguished, I was tired, I wasn’t eating or sleeping well and I was on my way to failing my first semester of university.

I felt haunted but I maintained my public persona. I felt no one needed to know or understand my pain even after the enemy twisted the knife and I bled. Even after the enemy started to whisper that maybe it would be better if I ended it all. But my Father saw and He cared. He tried to speak to me directly the way He had always done but I blocked Him.

He finally decided that enough was enough. One Sunday I went to church and the message connected to my soul. It spoke directly into my situation as I listened I began to cry. I cried for my broken trust and faith in humanity. I cried for my broken friendships. I cried for the pain in my heart. I cried for my lost love. I cried, I just cried. In the midst of that I could hear God telling me, “I’ve got you.” In that moment I truly believed He did.

It wasn’t an easy journey, it took me years to get it right but tonight as I sit writing this, I can truly say that I am stronger having gone through that experience. I completed university, short from a First Class Honours degree by 0.03. My heart no longer hurts nor do I feel bitter. I’ve forgiven the hurt and for that I have become better. I have a lot to laugh and smile about. I have friends who I trust implicitly and I’ve even began to put on some weight. Most importantly, I have a Father who has me and for that I am joyful. I am thankful!

XOXO,
Chañel.

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