I came across this song today and it opened up a lot of memories for me. I must say that in many ways, the first time I heard this song turned out to be the turning point of the downward spiral I was on.

I’ve been an avid fan of the series Being Mary Jane since it started. I don’t know how to explain it but she is someone that most, if not every female, can relate to in some manner. The struggles she face. Her fears that she is getting older and whilst she has a great career, her personal life is in shambles. For me, when I started watching, these were struggles and fears I could relate to.

The song wasn’t the catalyst for me fully, a huge part had to do with that final 5 minutes of the first season’s finale. Mary Jane had spent most of the season having some serious ups and downs with David, the guy she is in love with. She even stole the dude’s sperm! In those final moments she decides that she wants to use a turkey baster to inseminate herself and have the baby she has always wanted. She managed to convince her friend, Lisa, to do it but her friend had some serious words to say about David to MJ, “He has moved on! He doesn’t want you! He doesn’t love you!” All this time “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength” plays in the background. As she speaks, I felt like she was speaking directly to me and the song was for me too. I found myself in tears!

After that impassioned speech from Lisa, MJ came to her senses and realized that she didn’t want a baby or David in her life that way. She took it in strides to take back her life and even returned David’s sperm to him. In that moment, I too came to a realization! I didn’t want to live my life like that either. I had to tap into my potential and strength and strive to fulfill my destiny. I deserved better than where I was currently at, than the guy I was currently chasing. That for me, that scene, that song, was my turning point.

“Goodbye David, and I really do hope you have a great life”, were the words MJ used to close the season as she kisses him on the cheek before turning and walking resolved towards her vehicle. By this time Whitney’s impassioned ” I didn’t know my own strength!” blared through my earphones. I closed the season with a personal goodbye too and a resolve that it was time to start healing after all in the words of the cab driver, ” Everything I’m doing is preparing me for what I asked for…”

I had rediscovered my own strength. I was not built to break.

XOXO
Chañel.

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